Someone once said to me about my ability to demonstrate a high level of proficiency in both English and Chinese languages, of which I had taken no advantage, sadly. Until recently, I have finally come to the realisation of my years of procrastination, with remorse. But thanks to the optimism so entrenched in my spirit, I have never been so resolute to embark on a journey that is going to change my life, my aura and my character (at least that is what I believe). I am going to READ, more than I could ever imagine, and to write. And until I have searched that particular genre or genres of books that allow me to read in pure rapture, I will be borrowing from the library instead of buying.
I am currently reading two books: This side of Paradise & The Beautiful and Damned by Scott Fitzgerald and Meditation by Marcus Aurelius.
Frankly, I don’t find the former is captivating. The excessive use of Amercian college jargons baffled me. However, as i have only read less than one-third of the book, so, I will sit out hoping that one day my opinion would change and read the book with immense satisfaction.
The other night, I watched Jane Eyre again. To my surprise, the film that I once found dull has recaptured my mind. This time, I can fully resonate with Jane as if I shared the misfortune in her life. Jane Eyre sparked my contemplation of a question………
““Do you ever laugh, Miss Eyre? Don’t trouble yourself to answer- I see, you laugh rarely; but you can laugh very merrily; believe me, you are not naturally austere, any more than I am naturally vicious. The Lowood constraint still clings to you somewhat; controlling your features, muffling your voice, and restricting your limbs…I see, at intervals, the glance of a curious sort of bird through the close-set bars of the cage; a vivid, restless, resolute captive is there; were it but free, it would soar cloud-high.”
The word ‘Passion’ according to OED denotes a very powerful feeling, it is often used to describe people in romantic relationships. As a person in love, ‘passion’ is something you want your partner to have. However, we tend to overlook the fact that, this word has another meaning – a sense of suffering, as in the Passion of Christ. Indeed, that the word for suffering became a synonym for romantic love tells you all you need to know about romance.
‘We are never so defenceless against suffering as when we love’ -Sigmund Freud
It is the suffering that manifests love, it is the evidence of the glory of unrequited love that shared among us. It is an inevitable bridge that connects the two hearts to the ultimate happiness and fulfilment. These are what you have been telling yourself or we have led to believe. But It can also be a morbidity, a blind spot, a dangerous habit that will make you lose yourself gradually. One day, you may be surprised by how low you can place yourself in front of him, how much sacrifice you can make for him. But it is nothing to be proud of, you are slowly but surely losing the game of love. “The man will appreciate for what I do for him, yes I’m sure of it.” she said. So you wait wait….until the day he withers away.
I was talking to my flatmate for the whole afternoon and was surprised that sometimes, even genius cannot escape the seemingly inevitable lesson which one must learn in his life – love. I have to say, I enjoy looking at … Continue reading →