Monthly Thought

Someone once said to me about my ability to demonstrate a high level of proficiency in both English and Chinese languages, of which I had taken no advantage, sadly. Until recently, I have finally come to the realisation of my years of procrastination, with remorse. But thanks to the optimism so entrenched in my spirit, I have never been so resolute to embark on a journey that is going to change my life, my aura and my character (at least that is what I believe). I am going to READ, more than I could ever imagine, and to write. And until I have searched that particular genre or genres of books that allow me to read in pure rapture, I will be borrowing from the library instead of buying.

I am currently reading two books: This side of Paradise & The Beautiful and Damned by Scott Fitzgerald and Meditation by Marcus Aurelius.

Frankly, I don’t find the former is captivating. The excessive use of Amercian college jargons baffled me. However, as i have only read less than one-third of the book, so, I will sit out hoping that one day my opinion would change and read the book with immense satisfaction.

The other night, I watched Jane Eyre again. To my surprise, the film that I once found dull has recaptured my mind. This time, I can fully resonate with Jane as if I shared the misfortune in her life. Jane Eyre sparked my contemplation of a question………

““Do you ever laugh, Miss Eyre? Don’t trouble yourself to answer- I see, you laugh rarely; but you can laugh very merrily; believe me, you are not naturally austere, any more than I am naturally vicious. The Lowood constraint still clings to you somewhat; controlling your features, muffling your voice, and restricting your limbs…I see, at intervals, the glance of a curious sort of bird through the close-set bars of the cage; a vivid, restless, resolute captive is there; were it but free, it would soar cloud-high.”

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Cliché talk of Love

The word ‘Passion’ according to OED denotes a very powerful feeling, it is often used to describe people in romantic relationships. As a person in love, ‘passion’ is something you want your partner to have. However, we tend to overlook the fact that, this word has another meaning – a sense of suffering, as in the Passion of Christ. Indeed, that the word for suffering became a synonym for romantic love tells you all you need to know about romance.

‘We are never so defenceless against suffering as when we love’ -Sigmund Freud

It is the suffering that manifests love, it is the evidence of the glory of unrequited love that shared among us. It is an inevitable bridge that connects the two hearts to the ultimate happiness and fulfilment. These are what you have been telling yourself or we have led to believe. But It can also be a morbidity, a blind spot, a dangerous habit that will make you lose yourself gradually. One day, you may be surprised by how low you can place yourself in front of him, how much sacrifice you can make for him. But it is nothing to be proud of, you are slowly but surely losing the game of love. “The man will appreciate for what I do for him, yes I’m sure of it.” she said. So you wait wait….until the day he withers away.

Completion is the lesson of my life

看看自己DRAFT裹的未完成的文章, 自嘲著自己那’完美主義’的性格。
2015年對於我來說是一個充滿告別的一年。在這一年,我與我相伴24年的學生身份告別(暫別吧‥因為我覺得我有可能完成博士學位‥不過不可能是近期),初次嚐到找工作的那種前途茫茫的感覺,自己的完美主義更落井下石,把自己迫到了牆角。這一年,我終於可以跟一段糾纏了多年的感情告別,沒有不捨得,只是偶爾會想起年輕時的’海沽石爛’和’不顧一切’。這一年,我跟生活了五年的地方說再見,感謝它帶給我種種的回憶。這一年,我雖然沒有跟以前的我告別,但是它卻給了我莫大的動力,改變是一種漫長的過程,有人說:你變不了, 因為這是你的性格。是呀,性格是最難變的。在改變的前提,有幾點我希望自己記住:

1.沒有人是完美的,雖然你因為了解到自己的不完美處從而生出改變之念,但是不要對自己太嚴苛,對自己多點鼓勵吧,’別忘了,要溫柔’。
2.常常因為害怕不夠完美而不去行動,比做了但有瑕疵更可恨,因為至少你嚐試了,對嗎?
3.失落時,不要忘了初衷,以真誠的心對待別人。

2016年,會是一個特別的一年,因為我會看到不一樣的自己吧!

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Why We Need To Appreciate Our Own Aloneness

“the only way out is in”

Mohadesa Najumi

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A great writer once said; the only way out is in. This is certainly true today as everyone takes his or her own individual path towards escapism. We are all trying very hard to escape our daily lives, or even worse, ourselves. We do this through staring down at our mobile phones every chance we get, by filling our minds with endless non-stimulations such as television and by spending countless hours in the companies of others. Nobody wants to be alone, and even worse; nobody wants to be alone with their abyss of thoughts and doubts. When you are amongst a group of people and most of them are busy doing something on their phone; you must know that these people aren’t exceptionally busy. But, it is just easier to engage with a device that does not require any human interaction. Truth is, most of us aren’t aware of…

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